The "Stage 5 Clinger" Tee | Funny Valentine's Day Shirt
Some people want a partner who gives them space. You? You want a partner who dissolves their physical body into yours until you share a circulatory system.
Meet your relationship goal: The Deep-Sea Anglerfish.
Nature’s most intense romantic knows that long-distance relationships are hard, so they opted for permanent biological fusion instead. This graphic features a detailed, scientific illustration of a massive female Anglerfish with a tiny male fused permanently to her side—proving that "until death do us part" is for amateurs.
It’s the perfect tee for Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, or for sending a subtle warning to your significant other that you have no intention of ever leaving. Ever.
A portion of every purchase goes to nonprofits working to protect deep-sea ecosystems—because even the monsters of the abyss need a safe place to find love.
Endangered Stats
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Status: Many deep-sea species are listed as "Data Deficient" or at risk due to the difficulty of studying them, but their habitats are under siege.
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Threats: Deep-sea bottom trawling and impending deep-sea mining threaten to destroy these fragile ecosystems before we even fully understand them.
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Mating Ritual: Sexual Parasitism (the male bites the female and eventually fuses with her, losing his eyes and internal organs).
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The Reality: If we destroy the deep ocean, we lose the weirdest love stories on Earth.
Perfect For
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Couples with a healthy appreciation for biological codependency
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Marine biology nerds who know that "romantic" is a subjective term
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Partners who have been called "clingy" and decided to lean into it
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Anyone who wants to scare casual daters away immediately
Wear the rare. Mourn the absurd. Help the deep sea stay dark, mysterious, and full of nightmares.
